Can you quote these 20 bible verses?

When I was growing up in West Georgia, we often had sword drills. We were taught to memorize scriptures, basically out of context, and try to find them fast in our Bibles. I remember hating the Bibles with tabs. The tabs actually seemed to slow down the process of flipping open to scriptures. We memorized so much scripture. Regardless if it was in my Missionettes class, Sunday School, Vacation Bible School, or a children’s crusade that I attended at a Baptist church down the street. Anyhoo- we learned a lot of scripture. We didn’t really study hermeneutics, exegesis, historical context, or even expository preaching, but we did learn some scripture.

And we would often quote scripture back and forth to one another. As if it was somehow magically going to cure illness or end an argument. Literalism was never questioned. And fundamentalism was never questioned. It was the word of God! And the word of God, was often used to belittle others.

I hate when we take scripture out of context. It aggravates the snot out of me, yet for this blog post I decided to find 20 scriptures to proof text, and take out of context. I hope these verses will make you smile, cringe and think. And I truly hope they will make you interested in studying the Bible. It will be fun, or at least cheesey. Please feel free to add your favorites as well.

20. Ezekiel 23:20  There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses. (Wow, ok, so whore/bride imagery fills the pages of the bible, particularly when dealing with the religious- but did you know that horse semen would be there as well?)

19.  Song of Songs 2:3 Like an apple[c] tree among the trees of the forest is my beloved among the young men. I delight to sit in his shade, and his fruit is sweet to my taste. (Anyone who tells you this book is an analogy between the church and Jesus is warped.)

18. Isaiah 19:25  The Lord Almighty will bless them, saying, “Blessed be Egypt my people, Assyria my handiwork, and Israel my inheritance.” (Guess the Zionists might not be the only people of God.)

17. Romans 14: 4 Who are you to judge someone else’s servant? To their own master, servants stand or fall. And they will stand, for the Lord is able to make them stand. (Oh, shoot. In fundamentalism, I grew up thinking we were supposed to judge all the sinners in the church and make them feel horrible.)

16. Deuteronomy 23:13-14 And thou shalt have a paddle upon thy weapon: and it shall be when thou wilt ease thyself abroad, thou shalt dig with it, and shalt turn back, and cover that which cometh from thee, for Yahweh your God walks in the midst of your camp, to deliver you, and to give up your enemies before you; therefore your camp shall be holy, that he may not see an unclean thing in you, and turn away from you.  (Cover up your poop. Or at least flush it.)

15. Colossians 1:19-20
19For in him [Christ] all the fullness of God was pleased to dwell, 20and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, making peace by the blood of his cross. (Dear God, is God a Universalist?)


14. Deuterononmy 25: When two men are fighting and the wife of one of them intervenes to drag her husband clear of his opponent, if she puts out her hand and catches hold of the man by his privates, you must cut off her hand and show her no mercy. (well, ladies- guess you shouldn’t go to the UFC match and try to have your beau’s back in the bar brawl)

13. Deuteronomy 23:1 No man whose testicles have been crushed or whose organ has been cut off may become a member of the Assembly of God.  (Also, if he doesn’t support the 16 fundamentals?) (randomly- this was all undone, with all the breaking of purity code holiness, and eunuchs can now indeed worship God wherever they may be. Read Acts.)

12.  Proverbs 12:10 A righteous man has regard for the life of his animal, But even the compassion of the wicked is cruel. (crazy cat ladies are saints)

11. Behold, I will corrupt your seed, and spread dung upon your faces, even the dung of your solemn feasts;

– Malachi 2:3 (well, God talks about poop in front of those religious folks again)

10. John 10: 34 Jesus answered them, “Is it not written in your Law, ‘I have said you are “gods”’ (uh, huh. This is in the Bible.)

9. John 5: 4 (This may not even be in your bible. Scholars argued if it was in the original text, so some left it out. Just go looks and see.)

8. Job 35:11 who teaches us more than the beasts of the earth and makes us wiser than the birds of the heavens?’(Wikipedia does not teach us all things.)

7.  Matthew 5: 40 And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. (Don’t tell that to the injury lawyers in Atlanta.)

6.  John 10:16 I have other sheep that are not of this sheep pen. I must bring them also. They too will listen to my voice, and there shall be one flock and one shepherd. (You mean the Baptists aren’t the only ones going to heaven? Maybe even the Christians?)

5.  Matthew 5: 5 Blessed are the meek,
    for they will inherit the earth (doesn’t say Heaven- says earth. Let that sink in.)

4.  Matthew 5:24 Give to him who asks of you, and do not turn away from him who wants to borrow from you.  (really, Lord, what about the crack heads?)

3. Deut. 10: 19 Love the sojourner, therefore, for you were sojourners in the land of Egypt. (Love foreigners, too?)

2.  Mark 12:33 To love him with all your heart, with all your understanding and with all your strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself is more important than all burnt offerings and sacrifices (you mean God cares more about me loving people than paying tithes and being religious?)

1. Luke 12:33 “Sell your possessions and give to charity; make yourselves purses which do not wear out, an unfailing treasure in heaven, where no thief comes near, nor moth destroys.” (do we take this one literally?)

 What do you think?   smile.







3 thoughts on “Can you quote these 20 bible verses?

well, what do you think?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s